Cherry Ames, Picturesque Village Nurse –

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Dedicated to my freshman roommate, Susan Messina, and all who know gosh-darned well that she’s just the bee’s knees.
Susan, I hope you and Maryann get well from Covid soon! In lieu of arranging a nurse visit, I wrote you this.

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It’s me, dark-eyed and raven-haired Cherry Ames, and I am delighted to share that I have just started work here in the picturesque village of Great Ayton in picturesque North Yorkshire. I am the new Picturesque Village Nurse.

Some of you have followed along on my adventures before! Welcome back to you!

Now some of you might know my older pal, Nancy Drew, who has titian hair and blue eyes. Nancy started off as a teen sleuth solving mysteries about old clocks, old houses, and old people with old jewels. After she solved all of those cases and a whole bunch more, she drove off in her sporty blue roadster and had an illustrious career as a Special Agent for the FBI, eventually taking over the entire FBI Crime Syndicate Department.

At the FBI, titian-haired Nancy’s amazing innate skills in psychology, race car driving, speedboat operation, gourmet cooking, French, tennis, golf, dancing, and bridge really proved useful! Good old Nancy Drew.

Meanwhile, here I am settling into my spiffing new job of Picturesque Village Nurse! And there is so much to learn! I can’t wait.

I find everything just so fascinating here in this quaint village at the edge of the moors in the North of England. Why, even the weather is interesting! The musical sounds of the roaring rain and the whistling wind! Which I guess is why everyone here talks about the weather all the time!

“The whistling held her transfixed.”

It’s not the nursing part that will require some study, as I have been a nurse for a while — there are a whole heap of books out there about my being a nurse! There’s Cherry Ames – Student Nurse, Cherry Ames – Army Nurse, Cherry Ames – Mountaineer Nurse, and even Cherry Ames – Dude Ranch Nurse. Although after falling off that horse while solving the mystery of the missing lariat, I don’t remember much about dude-ranching at all. I don’t even remember what a lariat is.

But fortunately, I don’t have to know that to be a Picturesque Village Nurse! And I do know my nursing. I just have to be my dark-eyed, dark-haired, rosy-cheeked self, dressed in my always crisp and tidy uniform, and go about my healing duties, showing up at my office, visiting the local sick people, and trying to figure out what the heck they are saying.

“From inside the tent came the murmur of voices.”

Because everyone around here has quite an accent. You would think that someone who has been an Island Nurse, Cruise Nurse, and Jungle Nurse would be used to accents! But nothing compares to the way the people here talk.

There is one patient, an older man who according to his file suffers from gout, and it makes him limp terribly. But he kept refusing to take any medicine! He just went on incomprehensibly about “t’ Nature’s Hhherb Cure.”

“Ah take t’Nature’s Hhherb Cure,” he repeated stubbornly.

“Do you mean ‘Erb Cure?’ ” I kept asking him.

“T’Hhherb Cure!’ he kept insisting. So of course I had to drive out to his home to get a sample of this mysterious remedy, to get to the bottom of what it actually was!

The old gentleman lives in a very rustic dwelling, so rustic that I had to have an older, local, hatted lady drive me there in her vintage car. He came right out to us. “Here’s yer Nature’s Herb Cure, ladies.”

And he handed us a sample of the substance! That evening I processed the sample speedily in my home laboratory for analysis, and returned the next day to inform him that it contained little more than cannabis leaves.

He nodded, and replied “Ooo, aye, that’ll be t’ Hhherb,” and then he disappeared back into his extremely rustic dwelling. But as I noticed he was putting his weight equally on both feet and no longer limping, I declared him successfully cured, and returned happily back to the village.

Score one for the powers of nursing!

Now, as far as understanding people, it sadly does not get any more clear when they write things down, whether it is written by hand or with a keyboard of some sort.

“She hardly dared unfold it and read the typewritten words.”

So I have pretty much given up on unfolding things around here.

But I am really trying hard to have good communications with each of the new patients in my care as Picturesque Village Nurse.

Of course, there are the taciturn ones. It is well known that reticence is deeply embedded in North Yorkshire culture, apparently along with being reserved, detached, unforthcoming, and also just quiet.

Whereas, I’m just naturally more of a gad-about chatty Cherry! I mean, there is always so much to talk about!

But especially these Yorkshire men, you’ll be lucky to get a grunt out of them when you ask them to give a standard quick run-through of all of their daily health-related activities so you can get their whole file up to date: frequency of bathroom visits, sleep patterns, rashes, halitosis, any abnormal discharges?

“Look, Cherry, he’s conscious but he won’t talk. Or can’t he talk?” Charlie asked.

I’m with Charlie on this one.

I really DO sometimes wonder if they can talk at all.

Now take this typical Yorkshire man called Floyd. Floyd had gone and sold all of his dear mom’s huge collection of beguiling animal figurines without asking, leaving their previously charming cottage entirely bereft of cheerful decoration. The situation was dire! At this rate, his mom might slip into depression, or even worse, have to move to another home.

But Floyd had a solution, all right, as it had been a spiffing season for growing gourds. A solution that apparently didn’t require uttering the words, “I am so sincerely sorry, my dear Mother, for selling your entire figurine menagerie without asking. Next time I’ll ask when I sell it.”

Instead, he was rather uncandid about the whole affair.

Floyd set the squash down on the table. “Peace offering, Ma,” he said.

But the next time I visited, the cottage had been restored. Why, the entire place was bursting with his mother’s new decorative gourds! Everywhere were pumpkins, butternuts, marrows, and goosenecks. In porcelain, fabric, clay, wood, possibly papier-mâché, and just regular old actual gourds. You have never seen such a festive gourd display! And it felt like a cottage again.

Floyd and his Ma must have had a field day shopping the Décor Department at the Marks & Spencer over in Great Busby. Or maybe the one in Pinchinthorpe. Or was it Skutterskelfe? Those are all real places around here.

And as I took my leave, Floyd and his Ma handed me a few of the adorable orange mini pumpkins. I hope they know they will still have to pay the standard fee for their prescriptions!

People here are always trying to pay me with non-money things, which I find quite charming, actually. It’s very rural here, and some of the overwhelming picturesqueness comes from the plethora of plants that grow edible things. It’s not all bountiful Roses and Hydrangeas in Great Ayton, although there sure are an awful lot of Roses and Hydrangeas. You’ll also find Bloody Cranesbills!

That’s an actual flower, incidentally: Bloody Cranesbill. I would never swear on these pages meant for a wide and general level of consumption.

Let’s see, there’s also Daisy, Dahlia, Poppy, Iris…
Oh, hang on a minute. Those are the names of the patients coming in to see me this afternoon! I guess I am not the only one with a terribly old-fashioned name up here.

But I am getting off track, aren’t I? Sometimes I have to remember to keep mum and focus on the business at hand.

Like the time I solved the Mystery of the Man With His Pockets Stuffed With Jewelry Who Was Stealing More Jewelry. Back when I was Cherry Ames – Jewelry Shop Nurse. I foiled the man’s attempt to rob the jewelry store by not saying a word! I kept totally quiet. . .

Here is me being totally quiet, holding my breath, and peering around the pillar.

“Holding her breath, she peered around the pillar.”

Then I bopped him on the head with a handy figurine, tied him up with fabric bandages from my nurse’s bag, called the police, retrieved the jewelry from his pockets, and treated the suspect for a Concussion With Hematoma before the police had even arrived! I believe that’s called multitasking. Anyway, it solved the mystery rather neatly, and then I could move on to the next exciting book of my life.

So here in this Picturesque Village, as I was saying, patients sometimes give me fruits, flowers, and vegetables. And I find such gratitude charming, every time. In fact, I am well and truly chuffed, which is an informal British English adjective that means very pleased indeed.

It is so much better than that episode when I was Cherry Ames – Appalachian Nurse and I cured some Lumbago and got paid in live chickens.

Although there was that ever so interesting time when I was Cherry Ames – Jungle Nurse, and I got handed a very shiny stone.

“Missy Sherry! Look at the pretty pebble Kandi find!”

The “pretty pebble” young Kandi found turned out to be a shiny diamond, so the other nurses and I got up from our picnic, sold the diamond for several million dollars, built a new independent school, transferred ownership of all the local houses to the local people, and got a majority of local residents elected to the board of the hospital where we worked.

That was the day I cured Colonialism.

Of course, I don’t always inspire people to be forthcoming and to share things. Why, sometimes I walk into a room and it just goes stone-cold silent. It’s the darnedest thing.

“The patients halted their exclamations when Cherry wheeled Winky in to see the tree.”

Why, all I had to do was to wheel that young Winky into a room full of people, and everyone just hushed right up! It was the winter holiday season, and there were decorations everywhere.

At the time I seem to have been Cherry Ames – Holiday Nurse.

Or maybe I was Cherry Ames – Christmas Nurse?

Or Cherry Ames – Striped Shirt Nurse? Is that even a thing?

And gosh, I wonder what ever happened to Winky? Now if he’d have gotten his own book series, we’d all know the answer to that question.

Or if he’d gone and married that impish brown-eyed, curly-blonde-haired, mystery-solving Trixie Belden.

Why, he could even have married one of those always-investigating Hardy Boy brothers! They were ever so serious, dark-haired Frank with brown eyes, and blond Joe with grey eyes. And gosh, they were so very good at figuring out mysteries.

I guess we will never know: Wither wheelable wee Winky?

Usually, I am ever so keen to solve any available mystery, but the mystery of what happened to Winky I will just leave be. Wait, that’s a Yorkshire Phrase! They are always going on around here about “leave it be” or “let it lie” or “you didn’t let it lie” or “you didn’t leave it be.”

But if I left it be, which I have to say really does sound like very strange English, no one would ever get to the bottom of the latest mystery.

If I’d left it be, I’d never have rescued that man in the peculiar cave with the wooden door at the entrance, back when I was Cherry Ames – Rural Nurse.

“His match went out, his last one.
Someone was calling them. The call came from near the mouth of the cave, a man’s voice shouting!”

It’s a good thing I was there to say, “Well, why don’t we just open this wooden door and get the shouting man out of the cave?” The door opened right up.

Always try the door. We learned that at Nursing School.

Or that more recent time when I solved the mystery of Mrs. Blair’s missing check, or cheque as they say here.

“I have never mentioned the cheque to anyone!” Mrs. Blair shouted.

“Well, then it’s no wonder you don’t know where it is!” I said to Mrs. Blair.

Then I shouted to the entire ward, “HAS ANYONE SEEN MRS. BLAIR’S CHEQUE?”

“Why, it’s right over here,” said another nurse, one who does not have a book series about her, so her eye and hair colors are utterly unimportant. And that was how I solved The Mystery Of Mrs. Blair’s Missing Cheque.

That was overall a very calm day, after Mrs. Blair had finished her shouting. Sometimes things are much more unpredictable, doolally, barmy, and bonkers in a medical setting. And I am always finding myself in medical settings.

There was the time that young doctor left the door open to the hospital laboratory. Things got very sticky, that’s for sure! We were suddenly all in both a pickle and a jam!

“The young doctor ran after the rabbit, wildly flapping a towel.”

A rabbit the size of a Basset Hound was racing all over the hospital ward, with the young doctor almost at its heels. I have no idea what the towel was for. But the young doctor sure did flap it wildly. We didn’t learn about towel flapping in Nursing School.

In the face of such mayhem, I was, it goes without saying, absolutely cool, calm, and collected. And polished and neat. I am always polished and neat in my crisp nurse’s uniform — as you can see in the picture. But for some of the others in the hospital that day, the Towel-Flapping Doctor Giant Rabbit Chase was decidedly discomfiting!

Poor Mrs. Julian was ever so overwhelmed by it all! So I immediately gave her my best-ever nursing advice.

“Lie down, Mrs. Julian. Please try to relax.”

Getting people to lie down and try to relax has always been the first line of defense in my approach to nursing.

Thankfully I didn’t have to worry about Mr. Otto that day.

“Cherry watched Mr. Otto examine an old American.”

Mr. Otto was always off somewhere in the ward, peering at old Americans. And heaven knows, that’s what our wards are full of!

Well, I must straighten my crisply ironed trim uniform and be off on my rounds soon. I am so chuffed I could spend this time with you all! This blog post has been ever such fun to write.

But wait! I will leave you with some excellent and tried medical advice, good for all the challenging situations you might just find yourself in.

I know I’d want a blog post to carry on just long enough so I could know such a thing.

“Hold on! What else does it say?” Cherry asked quickly.

So here is my best-ever Cherry Ames – Picturesque Village Nurse medical advice for all medical occasions!

“The book says, ‘Store in a cool, dark place.’”

That’s right! You read it here first!

Get yourself to a nice cool, dark place. Then just lie down and try to relax. I find it pretty much works for everything, no matter what the world is throwing at you today or even tomorrow.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go meet some new, apparently pleasant, jovial, and ugly patients!

And then who knows where my nursing skills might take me?

Cherry Ames – Bryn Mawr College Alumnae Association Nurse?

Cherry Ames – Rummage Sale Nurse?

Or even:

Cherry Ames – Vice President of Development At The BlueStar Families Non-Profit Supporting Military Families Nurse? (My old pals Susan and Kathy work at Blue Star Families.) Welcome to Blue Star Families Meet the Staff – Blue Star Families

Just keep that sparkle in your eyes, whatever color they are!