Travel Tips You Never Asked For

I adhere to the following rule regarding all advice:

One never has to pay attention to advice one never requested.

So if you didn’t ask for it, you can completely ignore it! Which is the appropriate way to read this entire post, since absolutely no one has asked me to write about any of this.

“How on earth did you pack for 8.5 months on the road?” queried nobody, ever.

“What did you do to prepare for being away for such a large chunk of time?” hangs unsaid by anyone.

“I’d love to know if you got any cool travel-specific doodads or thingamabobs!” remains unuttered, probably because no one in the 21st-century actually says “doodads” or “thingamabobs.”

And “Do you have any handy money-saving tips for traveling?” sits suspended in the silent void.

Nonetheless, this post will address all of those questions and more, in enthusiastic, excessive, and tedious detail, so get ready to totally and appropriately disregard everything you are about to read.

PACKING

Many, and I mean many, years ago a contestant in the Miss America Pageant showed up to the televised Talent Competition segment with a rehearsed demonstration of How To Pack A Suitcase. Does anyone else remember this? I was a child then, but it may have been my first-ever encounter with the emotional phenomenon known as “cringe.” I even remember my parents’ exact conversational exchange at the time.

“She’s packing a suitcase?”one of my parents asked.

“She’s packing a suitcase,” the other parent replied.

That episode, seared into my memory — yes, for all eternity — illustrates just how boring the act of packing a suitcase is. The only thing even duller would be what this (unsuccessful) Miss America contestant shared as her specific talent: narrating the packing of a suitcase.

Which brings us neatly to the exact next segment in this post.

My Take On How To Pack A Suitcase

I am traveling with one carry-on-sized, rolling, hard-sided suitcase, and my regular backpack which I have carried pretty much everywhere for quite a few years. I do not anticipate having to check any luggage for any flights.

A surprising number of people commented that I must be planning to buy clothes as I go, ditching and replacing items. Actually, my plan is quite the opposite: I packed pretty much all that I will need for this entire trip, and anticipate almost no clothes-shopping whatsoever. For starters, shopping is dull. I have already done it quite a few times. Shopping is old.

I expect to be in all of the possible weathers on this trip. I will depart the Hawaiian tropics straight for Korean winter, where I have been informed there has already been snow. Later there will possibly be Roman heat and humidity, and the chilly bluster that passes for an English summer.

So I guess what I have assembled is an all-weather, universal, late-middle-aged-lady, capsule traveling wardrobe for all anticipatable occasions.

A wee wardrobe works well with only a few colors, so it all goes together. I chose navy blue. For wild dashes of contrast, I have included a few items in olive and black.

I employ The Rolling/ Folding Method of Packing Clothing. One rolls or folds up one’s garments, and then places them in extremely close proximity to one another in one’s suitcase. This method is illustrated below, to the right:

I actually did study a few YouTube videos on packing for travel. This was when I was in Rome last summer. The telescoping handle of my rolling suitcase had been damaged in transit, and now refused completely to do any telescoping at all, so I’d replaced the suitcase with a slightly smaller one, the European standard size, purchased at the Porta Portese open-air market in Rome. So I was figuring out how to downsize a bit for my up-coming flights to Frankfurt and then to Seoul.

Mostly the online videos on packing horrified me, especially the one that advised, for a week-long trip, to “Just pack 7 outfits, and you’re done!” I am currently on the road for about 40 weeks, and I am not sure I have packed 7 entire outfits.

This is because there is a Universal Truth about the clothes you wear when traveling: Nobody Cares! Nobody cares what you look like. It is fine to wear the same thing several times. Most of the world does not show up in a fresh new outfit every single day.

I have no idea what people are stuffing into those gigantic must-be-checked-at-the-airport suitcases as they embark on a brief trip somewhere. I do watch a lot of mystery shows on public broadcasting, though. Dead bodies, maybe? The Wall Street Journal ran this headline over a money-laundering crime story a day ago: “What’s in Those Huge Suitcases? $125 Million in Cash.”

(Of course I understand that sometimes travelers are returning home with gifts and essentials for family and friends, perhaps taking advantage of a rare break from work overseas. That is different. Go ahead with the massive suitcases when it is presents for your kids.)

But I am a true minimalist in all of this, and apparently something of an empiricist as well, as back in Rome I undertook a few practice packs, employing rolling, folding, layering, just randomly stuffing, and deploying compressible packing cubes. I fit by far the most in my new smaller suitcase by rolling and folding my clothes. (Although admittedly the “just randomly stuffing” method wins in the “most fun” category.) An advantage is that you can see everything, so it is easy to pluck a specific garment without undoing the entire suitcase. And I managed to fit in way more items this way than using packing cubes, even compression ones (the latter have a Velcro piece or zipper to make them more compact once filled).

A Gigantic Caveat: I am small, so my clothes are small, so I can fit more of them into a suitcase than those of you who never have had to drag a chair into the kitchen to climb up to reach the ceramic Tiki glasses on the top shelf. Or who never, ever scaled the supermarket shelves to get to the top-most jars of on-sale pasta sauce, only to have half a shelf of jars tumble down with you during your descent, and then the supermarket employee who rushes to the aisle summoned by the enormous crash of broken glass nearly faints because he thinks all that spilled tomato sauce is YOUR BLOOD!

Did I mention I really like a good old tv murder mystery?

All of my clothes do double-duty in some way. Each item works as a layer. So the bike shorts get worn under dresses (I actually often bike in this exact ensemble, so I arrive at my destination in a proper outfit rather than in bike-y spandex); the solid black bike tights double as leggings under dresses or trousers; my swimsuit is a pair of men’s board shorts which can be worn as shorts, and a long-sleeve rashguard shirt which works as a long-sleeve layer under other clothes. I didn’t bring any biking jerseys, as they can never appear as anything other than biking apparel; I brought one purple tech-fabric t-shirt, which is great for biking in heat, and which just reads as a regular t-shirt when I am off the bike.

Most items are solid colors, and the few patterns get along with each other.

A number of items are tech fabrics which resist odors and dirt, which is handy as I am an absolute dirt-magnet. The tech-fabric clothes are: shorts, one pair of trousers, that biking t-shirt, a pullover, a top, a skort (skirt with attached shorts), a sweater. So I possess a few stink-resistant outfits. This is mighty helpful for long stretches spent in transit, and no doubt deeply appreciated by anybody one happens to sit next to along the way.

MY PACKING LIST:

Tops: 4 solid-color cotton t-shirts, 1 tech t-shirt, 1 long-sleeved blouse, 1 tank top, 3 long-sleeve shirts which work as base layers when it is cold, 3 pull-over sweaters of different warmth levels, 2 longish cardigans of differing warmth levels. (I am increasingly convinced I overdid it in the sweater department.) 3 dresses (lightweight; midweight; washable wool).
Bottoms: 1 skort, 2 trousers, 1 shorts, 2 bike shorts, 1 bike tights.
Pajamas are 2 pairs of men’s boxer shorts, worn with one of the cotton t-shirts. I am rotating the t-shirts as pajamas and day-wear. (They are the one thing I might have to replace along the way.)
Also: some bras, underwears, socks.
Bike gloves, both fingerless and full-finger, 1 pair of each.
A neat fold-up-really-small lavender umbrella.
A rain poncho which works really well for biking.
A warm black hoodie, which fits under my black jacket, to make a really warm winter coat.
Two scarves, one warm, one light.
Two pairs of tights.
A waterproof mauve biking jacket; the sleeves can be removed to make it a waterproof mauve biking vest.
And a fluorescent yellow biking vest.
(I admit I might have overdone it in the biking vest department.)
Two pairs of shoes: one black vegan oxford Doc Martens, and one Hoka sandal/water-shoe/sneaker hybrid.

PREPARING TO BE AWAY

I prepared to be away for a long stretch of time by first attending to my health.

I started in August to book and report for all the medical and health check-ups I could think of: a general physical with full blood work; teeth; full-body skin cancer check at dermatologist; eyes; annual mammogram; annual gyno visit; and my 10-year colonoscopy. (All results normal.) I also got my Flu, Tetanus, and Covid vaccines. The ensuing brimming schedule of appointments took the place of my having any social calendar pretty much through till early December, so if I did not stop by to bid you adieu in person before I left, that is why.

And I would like to pause here, dear readers, and ask if you, too, might benefit from scheduling some routine health check-ups. As we age, we have to look after ourselves. What is that you said? Why yes, this does indeed sound like more advice you never asked for.

I also spent a considerable amount of time acquiring an 8.5-month supply of all medicines and vitamins. I currently take one prescription med, and I eat two different vitamins each night: a regular multi-vitamin, and a mineral supplement with a half-daily dose of calcium, magnesium, and zinc. I figure a half-dose is adequate as I eat a lot of things which contain calcium. But I eat that calcium supplement unfailingly because I have entered the phase of life when we can start to lose skeletal mass and shrink. At 5-feet tall, I do not plan to lose a molecule of skeletal mass if I can help it.

I could have brought just some vitamin pills and then shopped for new ones along the way, but I like my pills for a singular reason: they are small. They are not horse-pills, those massive ovoids one encounters throughout the vitamin aisle, and which can be very difficult to swallow.

**** JOKE PAUSE! ****

I am pausing my tedious narrative here to tell you a joke! It is what that unsuccessful Miss America contestant probably should have done. And here the joke is actually relevant! It is a really good pill joke, from Bennett Cerf’s Vest Pocket Book of Jokes for All Occasions (1956). Cerf listed it under Farmer jokes (That section begins on p.139). Here goes:

A farmer goes to the veterinarian to ask about his ailing horse. “Mah horse is ailing,” says the farmer to the veterinarian, “He seems to have no energy, no git-up-and-go anymore.”

“Ah,” says the veterinarian. “You just have to give him one of these.” And the veterinarian hands the farmer a giant, oblong pill.

“Well how the heck am I supposed to git this into the horse?” asks the puzzled farmer.

“Ah yes,” says the veterinarian, “You will need one of these.” And the veterinarian hands the farmer a large plastic tube. “You just need to put the pill in the tube, the tube in the horse’s mouth, and then blow!”

“Okay, and thanks,” says the farmer, turning to leave with the pill in one hand and the tube in the other.

The next day the farmer returns to the veterinarian’s office, looking pale, peaky and even a bit green around the edges.

“My, you look awful!” says the veterinarian. “What happened?”

“Dang horse blew first!” replies the farmer.

***************************

I pretty much memorized that entire joke book when I was in grade school.

Whilst away on one’s travels, one can review all incoming mail online. The US Post Office offers a free mail preview service called Informed Delivery. You get a daily e-mail, with an image of the outside of each envelope or package that is about to arrive (www.usps.com/manage/informed-delivery.htm) This way you can alert whoever is taking in your mail that you will need them to open the letter arriving to invite you for Jury Service.

A while before departing, check the expiration dates of your driver’s license, passport, and credit cards. I had to get a new credit card, debit card, and driver’s license, as all were due to expire while I would be away. You can set up Travel Notifications for your credit card online as you change locales; the alerts seem to be good for a month at a time, so your bank knows it is you buying trinkets in Kathmandu. Set all bills on auto-pay. Give the keys to your apartment to a pal to use as needed when she’s in town. Put some friends on your auto insurance and give them your car to drive around, especially to use to cart things to and from the most excellent local community theater.

TRAVEL-RELATED OBJECTS

Despite my diehard minimalism, I did find I needed a few things for this extended adventure.

First, I have to begin with the thing I am the most thrilled to have with me! The thing I can’t stop talking about, taking pictures of, and demonstrating to anyone within hearing distance: my Collapsible Bike Helmet!

I have a bike helmet that meets all the safety requirements, and which fits easily into my luggage! It’s a Closca Folding Loop Helmet, and this teal color is called “Abyss.” They also make a folding model with a visor. I got mine on sale for under $50; they seem to often have some models/colors on sale at closca.com. Closca is based in Valencia, Spain. I can’t wait to see what folding thing they make next.

I know — it’s insanely attractive! When I demonstrated my Collapsible Helmet to Mark who works at Bike Works Kona, he could not get to his computer fast enough to pull up the picture on the right.

Of course I also brought with me some bike lights for night riding, and a water bottle.

Money Belt

Secret stashing garments are often uncomfortable to wear, and can end up sitting in a bad place on the body, adding lumps, bulges, perhaps even a third breast. This one is quite otherwise: the Bandi Pocketed Belt. I got one on sale in a tolerable print from their site for $26, and it has proven to be comfortable, reliable, and useful. BANDI Wear | Best Stylish Belt for Travel, Running, iPhone and Money The fabric is both sturdy and very soft. I wear it under my shirt.

ID Band – I updated my Road ID, a tag ($25) which goes on my FitBit band, now engraved with my name and 5 emergency phone numbers of friends/family in a range of time zones, who agreed to be on call in this way. It is a handy item for someone like me who does a lot of distance sports alone in isolated places, and just in general for emergency info, medical conditions, etc. http://www.roadid.com

Tiny Lotion and Cream Containers

As a late-middle-aged lady, I don’t go anywhere without my armada of moisturizers. But one uses this stuff in itsy dabs. Even traveling, I find that surprisingly tiny amounts are required for me to indulge fully in my feminist virtue-signaling mission to be pro-aging, and non-wrinkle-denying, while at the same time preventing flaky, itchy skin. Teensy cheap containers from the supermarket have worked out well.

Even I am now bored by all this listing. I shall end it quickly: an IKEA rechargeable battery charger (I use batteries in my nighttime-reading headlamp), an IKEA multiple USB plug, and some extra zipper-compression packing bags in durable fabric for corralling items in my suitcase.

MONEY-SAVING TIPS

We each have priorities when we travel! I opine that whatever is important to you is a good thing to spend money on when you travel. Me, I will dump money on a safe place to stay, and on renting a bicycle from a bike shop. I think for everything else, I try to scrimp a bit, and stretch my funds.

I am flying Economy.
I have only recently gotten to try out First Class and Premium Economy class seats for flights (got bumped to First a little while back, and bought a Premium Economy seat on a long flight to try it out). Okay, there are perks in these more extravagant locations, like mini toiletries and free champagne. And First Class is definitely the place to head if you are not the least bit freaked out by incredibly solicitous staff hovering over you the entire time. First Class was where I discovered that the attentions of overly solicitous flight staff do indeed freak me out. Just hand me my aged port and cheese, and piss off already! There is of course the much-vaunted benefit of increased leg room. But at 5-feet tall, I need more leg room like I need to grow a second head. I find the dimensions of the economy seat adequate, so I have been lowballing all of my flights for a while, my priority being the securing of cheap but direct flights.

I like window seats which are not located over the wing, for leaning to sleep, and for exceptional views of the Earth.

I don’t have a travel pillow; I just roll up my sweater to make a headrest. I always pack a kit of flight essentials, so I have ear plugs and a batmask, and with these items I sleep pretty well on my cheap Economy flights.

I also often bring my own healthy snacks. While the liquid prohibitions eliminate some possibilities like yogurts, solid food items seem universally allowed by security. So I take wrapped, cut-up raw fruits and vegetables, to skip spending on pricey airport and on-board food. Take your empty travel/bike bottle with you, as many airports have free water-filling stations after you clear security.

Food is very expensive in Hawaii. Think of your regular supermarket price, and just add five bucks, or many more bucks. It is logical, as so many items arrive here by ship or plane. Restaurant prices are often exorbitant. So a splurge here and there is fine, but I have saved a lot by going to local fish markets, where they buy straight from fishing boats, and so far getting Ahi, Walu, Ono, and Opah, each caught that day, to cook at home. The Farmers Markets are also excellent; I have shopped at the ones in Hilo, Volcano, and Kona. Ask local people about opening times and locations.

Now please add your travel tips, ideas, insights, and suggestions below, in the Comments!

I know that some of you are really experienced globe-trotters and adventurers. You have slept out under the stars, ascended to famous high-altitude Base Camps, survived dysentery in desert market towns, and eaten Vindaloo curried chili peppers with your fingers.

Share some travel knowledge.

And since I just asked you for your advice, I suppose I shall have to read it all.