Being Abroad

So what does it take to head off blithely to another country, perhaps for a spot of teaching, with your carry-on suitcase and ukulele for eight months?

The collapsible bike helmet, I suppose, is optional. I of course took one with me on that sabbatical in 2024. And demonstrated it to absolutely everyone I met along the way. If there is one entity out there that should consider sponsoring this blog, it is the Closca Folding Bicycle Helmet Company of Valencia, Spain. Over at closca.com. Where they sell collapsible bike helmets, you know.

Not that I would ever monetize for a moment the pure artistic entity that is Where No Mangoes! Perish the thought.

So anyway, your eight months abroad could be just four, meaning one semester instead of two, which does rather cut down on the amount of moisturizers you will need to painstakingly pour into the tiny openings of an army of weeny little travel bottles.

But what I’m really asking is this: Could you nonetheless slip the surly bonds of Philadelphia, or wherever, and dance the skies of another nation on your laughter-silvered wings (to mangle somewhat, but I think wholly justifiably under the circumstances, the famous words of “High Flight” by the poet John Gillespie Magee Jr.)?

This week Where No Mangoes considers what it takes to go abroad for an extended period of time, to join the global wanderers and overseas teachers, the wayward bike riders, the travelling researchers and writers, and the just-mooching-arounders.

And, it goes without saying, to not get arrested in the process.

First: Are You An Island?

John Donne, metaphysical poet, insisted that no man is, but I don’t think anyone ever asked John Donne if he planned on perhaps teaching abroad for a semester or two.

That poem, by the way, “No Man Is An Island” (1624), yielded two major showstopper oft-quoted lines: both the “island” one and “for whom the bell tolls.” That is not a bad return there for a 13-line verse which John Donne probably dashed off on a cocktail napkin in between sampling craft beers with his weekend drinking poet-buddies, after mis-hearing something one of them said.

As a career English professor it is my job to know a thing or two about the origin stories of poetry. And I am pretty sure the main metaphysical poets were knocking back the beers and arguing about the location of the famous basalt-rock Giant’s Causeway that particular fateful day.

George Herbert (“Easter Wings”) raised his hoppy pilsner and declared that it was located in Scotland. Andrew Marvell (“To His Coy Mistress”) took immediate umbrage, waving his glass of coffee stout with a strong chocolatey finish and insisted, “No man, it’s in Ireland!” Donne, already three sheets to the wind on his fourth hazy IPA, took out his pocket ink pen and scribbled with a shaky hand on the aforementioned napkin, “No man is an island.” That is actually how a lot of metaphysical poetry came about, you know: mis-heard conversations in noisy bars. “For whom the bell tolls” is a really good line, but it was originally Herbert sharing that he was going to attend an upcoming panel discussion on leatherworking. “That’s where I’ll be going,” announced George Herbert, metaphysical poet, working his way through a large dark amber ale: “Forum: The Belt Holes.” And once again John Donne took out his trusty pen. . .

So anyway, with regard to you and travel, what seems to be very important but is not mentioned in any places I have come across, is to figure out if this kind of travel adventure suits you. Not anyone else, but really suits you. The idea of popping off to, say, Rome, Tokyo, or Bogotá might seem inviting, glamorous, and exciting, because it is all of those things. But I am thinking of the kind of travel adventure where you are most probably heading off alone. So it is worth pondering how to make the travel work for you, since these opportunities rarely come with the option of bringing your entire close-friend group, or a budget that enables quick weekend visits back home. And significant others might be employed and have to remain at home to continue to be so.

And alas, you will have to leave beloved Fifi or Fido behind.

Unless your pet happens to be a rock.

Named perhaps Rocky.

Pretty sure this is a pet rock from the SpongeBob™ universe.

So it is definitely worth taking an unblinking look at your social needs, level of independence, and degree of self-containment. Consider if you can function at your best level without your usual social network nearby. They may be your absolute best pals, but even best pals will eventually tire of 2 a.m. just-need-to-talk-to-someone-in-English phone calls from your vastly different overseas time zone.

Travel with family, friends, and groups is not the same as heading off alone. A lot of people have little actual experience with true solo travel — and I say, if the idea appeals to you, go get some! Head somewhere by yourself and mooch around for a while to see how you do. (I started doing this at 18, wandering for two months on my own around Europe with a rail pass. But it is never too late to start.) And an extended stay or travel in a country where you neither speak the language nor can read anything is not for everyone — perhaps consider an experimental solo trip to see if that particular adventure suits you. Or aim for a destination where you can manage some of the local language. Or learn some of another language and then head off alone to try traveling in it. I am just pointing out some aspects which one should consider for that rewarding jaunt abroad.

Second: Are You A Giant?

The average height in Japan is around 5’4″. Japan is a country full of petite people, currently including myself at 5’0″ (or 5’1″ if we are going by my drivers license, from the time they just asked me how tall I was. I have a long-term plan to try adding an inch each time that happens.) If you are someone with a personal history of regular invitations to join in pick-up basketball games, you are going to tower here like the Giant Buddha of Ryozen Kannon Temple over in Kyoto’s Gion district, which I just visited for the first time recently. (I will write about that in the “Extras” page, of course. It was a lovely day out. Do click on over there any time, where I am always updating. extras-to-read-all-about-japan-2025 )

The Giant Buddha of Ryozen Kannon Temple is so gigantic! There are actual people in this photo, too, for scale.

If you squint you can just about make them out.

Now it is important to note that not all tall people tower. Some have undertaken lengthy behavior modification courses, usually in the form of Dating Short People. Thus some lanky folks can relate to smaller humans without any of the patronizing or threat that can come from leaning into a significant height disparity.

One fine example is my old pal from Rome, Carlo, who comes by his graceful bearing in the presence of petite people from the direct route of Having A Very Small Momma. His mom is a powerhouse, a very small one indeed. I have enjoyed many walks in Rome with her and could barely keep up with her pace, except when we stopped for ice cream. I have known Carlo for a very long time and I never even knew he was tall until he told me. Carlo is six feet tall! I had absolutely no idea.

Skyscraper people should be well-prepared for inevitable head trauma in Japan because they will bang their head on what here is a standard-sized doorway, arch, or gateway. The ear-ringing concussions are real. If you are bothered by this prospect, neverminding the additional fact that the clothes, shoes, hats, and bicycles here were not made for your personal dimensions, consider perhaps an extended excursion to Denmark or Sweden. Based on my fairly recent personal observations of both of those places, absolutely everyone is at least 7 feet tall. Possibly 8. And that’s just the school kids, and they are still growing.

Okay, You Are An Island And A Friendly Giant. Let’s Talk About Weeny Bottles of Moisturizers.

There will be many small bottles of moisturizers.

First, you will need some moisturizers for all the time on the airplanes. Air travel is very dehydrating. Something about how the special airplane air circulates, and the plane stays in the air better if it weighs less, which is linked to why all the beverages come in ridiculously tiny bottles. But the airlines actually do want you to stay hydrated on their planes, hence the crew dropping by frequently with the drinks. “Keep up the liquid intake,” the airlines are saying, “Or you will arrive all pruny and wrinkled, and that is so not a good look for us.”

Cabin Crew: “Water? Water, anyone?”

Photo from BeadAndCraftStash, Etsy. Apparently where airlines get their bottled water.

So moisturizers for the plane ride, and then for when you arrive, because you must bring some of each of the products on which you rely.

I am now a late-middle-aged lady, and at this stage of life my main hobby is rubbing potions into my face each night.

And then each morning I scrub all that off so I can apply the daytime goops. And then at night I wash those off so I can replace them with the nighttime goops. Lather, rinse, repeat. . .

I thought the main activity of late middle age would be responding to every single televised award show with: “Who The Hell Are All These People? And Why Do They All Look 12?”

But no, it’s magic potions and serums.

Anyway, you can’t be sure you will find replacement skin care products to buy when you arrive — especially if you have landed in a country where you can’t read anything. Sure there are translation apps, but you will not want to spend your entire travel adventure in drugstores and department stores working your way down the skin care aisle label by label with your phone.

We save that delightful activity for every time we visit the supermarket.

So you must bring with you some Estée Lauder Advanced Night Repair Synchronized Multi-Recovery Intense Beauté Complex, a bit of Naked & Thriving Restore Ultra-Ultra-Rich Night-Night Cream, some Kiehl’s Powerful-Strength Line-Reducing Concentrate Serum w/ Vitamin C++, a tad of refreshing Noxema Original Deep-Cleansing Refreshing Eucalyptus Softy Creamy Foamy Wash, and definitely a decent supply of La Roche-Posay Hydrating Balm-Bomb Serum–Theorum Multi-Miracle Eau-Glow Femme-Gem-Crème.

And that’s your face done!

Next just add all of your eye and lip products, and then hands, feet, hair, scalp, and cuticles.

And don’t forget the rest of you. You know: your body.

If you are very lucky you will still have some room in your suitcase for some clothes. Each individual liquid container can contain no more than 3 oz, if we are going to fly carry-on, and dammit, we always fly carry-on.

My best advice is to start filling all the weeny little bottles and jars way before your planned departure, because this seemingly minor task requires the concentration and precision of a late-career neurosurgeon.

You: “I am leaving in two weeks.”
Me: “Start pouring now!”

Once, flying from Manchester, England to New York City, I forgot about the particular airline’s rule about fitting all the weeny bottles into a single one-liter plastic bag. Oh right, it was Britain: a single one-litre plastic bag. And who flippin’ measures bags? I had two large clear zip-top plastic bags, each doing a spiffingly good job at containing my potions. I thought this exceedingly more than adequate.

But apparently it was not. I got flagged at luggage x-ray and had wait for a really long time while the increasingly apologetic uniformed man went through each of my weeny containers, peering at the bottles and reading my helpful hand-printed labels, one by one. After he had examined the first dozen or so, I said in a very conspiratorial tone, “Being a late-middle-aged lady requires A LOT of moisturizer.” He looked over at me. “A LOT,” I repeated, and did my slow squinty head-nod for emphasis. I have no idea what he thought, but it did make him hurry up a bit with the remaining two dozen or so containers.

This was an excellent outcome, as at that point my feet were getting tired after standing in continual airport lines for an incredibly long time. Manchester Airport in August turned out to be packed to the gills with entire British tourist families heading to USA Disney destinations in matching custom Disney t-shirts and headgear. I am not exactly a fan of Big Mouse, and at this point I’d been closely surrounded by overstimulated people of all ages in mouse ears, for more than two hours. I was seriously overdue for a visit to the ladies room and the snack shop, simultaneously, or I was going to turn into whichever of the Seven Dwarves is the most radically unsociable.

Oh hang on. They aren’t endless lines of noisy, overexcited families nattering on at top volume about their tedious Disney plans non-stop! They are endless queues.

You Will Have Weird And Time-Consuming Conversations With Your Credit Card Company At Ridiculous Hours

OR

Tales From The Encrypt

Hello AMY FRIEDMAN, 

Thank you for calling the Sillyzen Fraud Customer Service Center.  

We are sorry to hear that you are having trouble using your credit card for online purchases. As mentioned at the very end of our recent 46-minute phone call during which we validated your identity several times, we need additional documentation to confirm your identity before proceeding. 

Please respond to this email with a copy or picture of your ID (Drivers License, ID card, or Passport) and 2 items that show proof of your established address (i.e. utility bill, credit card bill, insurance bill, etc.).  

Once we have received this information, we will review and respond to your email with next steps.  

We truly appreciate your business with Sillyzen and your efforts in partnering with us to keep your accounts secure. 

Best, The Fraud Customer Service Center  *encrypt* 

Dear Sillyzen Bank Fraud Authentication Department, 

I attach images of: my passport, driver’s license, and two recent pieces of mail. 

I hope these documents enable you to verify my identity, so I can start getting email messages dispatched to me to enable authentication when I use my Sillyzen Bank credit card online abroad, instead of a text message to my USA phone number when I am now using a Japanese phone number, and my USA phone company,

AT&T-ack!

will instantly charge me $12 in roaming fees if I swap the USA SIM card back into the phone, even for a minute.

Hello AMYF

We have reviewed the documentation you provided, but have been unable to use them to authenticate you due to missing documentation. 

Please send an additional item that shows proof of your established address (i.e. a copy or picture of a utility bill, credit card bill, insurance bill, etc.)  in response to this email, and we will re-review. 

We so appreciate getting to serve you as our customer.

Best, The Fraud Customer Service Center  *crypt* 

Greetings Sillyzen Bank Authenticators,  

I am currently working in Japan for 5 months. Accessing copies of bills is challenging, as I set things up so I wouldn’t have to do that very thing while working in Japan for 5 months. I have managed to produce a bill from an online source, and it is attached. I will endeavor to secure a second one, but I will have to wait for some emailed information from actual people in the USA in order to do this. Fourteen hour time difference and all. 

All best wishes, Amy Friedman 

Hello FRIEDMAN A

We have reviewed the documentation you provided, but have been unable to use them to authenticate you due to missing documentation. 

Please send an additional item that shows proof of your established address (i.e. a full copy or picture of a utility bill, credit card bill, insurance bill, etc.)  in response to this email, and we will re-re-review. 

Best, The Fraud Customer Service Center  *crypto* 

Dear Sillyzen Fraud Authentication Agents, 

It seems you are very serious about this “full picture” business, so here is the same bill I previously emailed, but a version featuring its full-pictureness. It was arguably easier to read the slightly zoomed-in version I sent, but perhaps this one is more in accord with the specific communicative aesthetic you seem to doggedly prize. 

I hope you can work with this image. I really want to be able to use my credit card for the online purchase and delivery of some barstools and a tall table for my balcony. Otherwise I will have to travel 2-plus hours to the Osaka IKEA and drag back 26 lbs of IKEA flat-pack furniture on public transportation. And I do not think that trying to corral 26 lbs of furniture on two possibly crowded trains and a bus is the best route for creating the positive impression of The American Abroad we so sorely need these days.

With continued best wishes, Amy Friedman 

Hello FRIEDMANA 

We have reviewed the documentation you provided, but have been unable to use them to authenticate you due to missing documentation. 

Please send an additional item that shows proof of your established address (i.e. a full copy or picture of a utility bill, credit card bill, insurance bill, etc.)  in response to this email, and we will re-re-re-review. 

Best, The Sillyzen Bank Fraud Customer Service Center  *cryptic* 

Dear Team Sillyzen Fraud Authentication, 

I think I’ve cracked it! I am sending you this full-picture copy of my latest Sillyzen Bank statement! That’s gotta work! You want identity evidence – it does not get more authentic than one of your own bank statements! It’s one of your own! You sent it to me!

With continued best wishes, Amy Friedman 

Hello FRIEDMAN 

Thank you for sending us the required documentation. We have reviewed the information shared and can now proceed with servicing your call.

Please call us back and inform your agent that you emailed us documentation proving your identity, so that another lengthy phone conversation can take place during which you are required to validate your identity to us several more times.  

We can not begin to convey how much we truly appreciate your business with Sillyzen Bank and your efforts in partnering with us to keep your accounts secure. 

Best, The Sillyzen Bank Fraud Customer Service Center  *from the crypto* 

Dear Sillyzen Fraud Customer Service Centurions, 

There is nothing I’d like more than to phone you again for an extended listen to that endless tinny “hold” music, apparently played by a toy xylophone ensemble.  

Your handy 9 a.m.-to-5 p.m. East Coast USA service hours mean I get to choose a time to call you from Japan spanning “really tired at 10 p.m.” to “zonked at 6 a.m.” And when I am barely awake there is nothing I like more than reciting my 10-digit social security number and 16-digit credit card number several times, and then spelling my mother’s maiden name over and over, to the series of phone agents I will inevitably be passed along to over the course of another 46-minute call.  

Rodrigo, Anthony, Carmela, Lakshmi, Ramesh, and Wanda! Such dear, dear friends. And that was just on my last phone call to The Sillyzen Bank Customer Fraud Service Center. 

I was thinking, maybe we could switch things up a bit: how about if you call me at 4 a.m. your time? I will first entertain you with 22 unbroken minutes of ukulele strumming practice, and then ask you to tell me your credit card number backwards. And your Netflix account number, your Dunkin’ Donuts Rewards Card number, and your 4th-grade locker combination. 

I can not begin to tell you that I appreciate you. 

Best, Your Friedman In Japan 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So the credit card thing has not been sorted out yet. And instead of spending any more time on the phone with Rodrigo and Wanda, just so maybe in 2026 I could order things online and have them delivered, I instead rode the two trains and a bus to the Osaka IKEA last weekend to get the barstools and tall table I wanted for my Kyoto balcony. Happily, I managed to safely wrangle them by myself all the way back to Kyoto, and they are now assembled and installed, and I am looking forward to drinking coffee on my sunny Balcony Cafe.

This is where I will be sitting when I next dial the Sillyzen Bank’s Credit Card Service Center for Ding! Round 2!

And if you, too, are up for all of this unpredictable adventure, then perhaps John Gillespie Magee Jr. is the poet for you too to mangle.

Perhaps you’ll cross new wind-swept heights with easy grace, not clunk your head or smash your face, and know to duck in every low-hung place. And with silent lifting mind fit all your moisturizers in that travel case. And reach the sunlit dream where your credit card will always work in cyberspace.

Maybe see you abroad.